Contented Reader

just point me toward the nearest library

Five classics ruined by smartphones

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1.  Pride and Prejudice.

Jane:  That Mr. Darcy who danced with you was very handsome, was he not?

Elizabeth:  Handsome enough, but far too proud.  I think he was an entirely objectionable person.

Jane:  Really?  Here, his friend Mr. Bingley sent me a link to his blog.  He thinks you were by far the most interesting person in the room, and the words ‘fine eyes’ are in italics.

Elizabeth:  Hm.  Perhaps I should subscribe to his Twitter feed before I judge him too hastily.

2.  Moby-Dick

Ishmael:  Well, Queequeg, have you found us a good ship to sail on?

Queequeg:  Yes.  I first planned to sign big whaler Pequod.  But then I googled ship.  Captain is crazy person.  We sign on smaller ship.  Live longer.  Make big pile money hunting whales.  Retire together on remote island untainted by homophobic culture.

3.  The Old Testament

Moses: God has freed us from Egypt, and given unto us the land of Canaan to settle.  According to my GPS, it should take us about two weeks to walk there.  Come, Israelites, follow me!

4.  The Canterbury Tales

Host:  Fellow pilgrims, to pass the time on our journey, I suggest we take turns telling stories.

Knight:  Or we could just watch videos of kittens on YouTube.

5.  The Wizard of Oz

Text from Dorothy:  AntyEm!  Trnado cmng!  Opn cellar door!


Written by Contented Reader

August 7, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Posted in Opinions


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